The 10 Attitudes of Compassion
Balancing the Yin and Yang of Compassionate Practice
The Attitudes of Compassion were developed by Madeleine Agnew and Nick Cooke as a core teaching element within the CFW (Compassion Focused Wellbeing) Programme. Designed to support participants in exploring the deeper foundations of compassionate living, these attitudes act as guiding principles—helping us both cultivate compassion and recognise it as a natural capacity already present within us.
Just as mindfulness has its attitudes, compassion too has its inner qualities—some gentle and soothing (Yin), others protective and powerful (Yang). To live compassionately is to learn how to hold both energies in balance: the softness that allows us to feel, and the strength that empowers us to act.
Like planting seeds in fertile soil, we begin by consciously nurturing these attitudes—practising kindness, building courage, learning to connect, and so on. At first, they may feel intentional, deliberate, even effortful. But over time, something subtle begins to shift. These attitudes stop feeling like things we’re trying to do and instead become qualities that rise naturally from within us—the fruits of a compassionate way of being.
In this way, the attitudes serve a dual purpose:
They guide us—helping us develop inner resilience, tenderness, and wisdom.
They reflect our growth—emerging effortlessly as signs of a compassionate heart in motion.
Just as mindfulness deepens through its attitudes, compassion matures through these qualities, revealing both the Yin (soft, receptive, nurturing) and the Yang (strong, protective, active) expressions of the compassionate life. True compassion is not one or the other—it is the dance between both.
To live compassionately is to learn how to hold both energies in balance: the softness that allows us to feel, and the strength that empowers us to act.
1. Courage – Yang
Recognising suffering takes bravery. Turning towards rather than away is the first step of compassion. Courage is not the absence of fear; it is the willingness to stay present with vulnerability, both in ourselves and others. It’s often the beginning of the compassionate journey.
2. Kindness – Yin
Kindness is the heartbeat of compassion, though it is often underestimated in its power. Soft, quiet, and nourishing, kindness allows us to meet pain with warmth rather than harshness. It is a gesture of care, whether expressed outwardly to others or inwardly towards ourselves.
3. Connection – Yin
Compassion awakens when we feel connected—to our inner experience and to the shared humanity of others. Through authentic connection and compassionate listening, we create safe spaces where suffering can be witnessed rather than hidden. Connection reminds us: we are not alone in this.
4. Wisdom – Yin & Yang
Wisdom helps us discern compassionate action from reaction. It invites reflection, self-honesty, and awareness. As Paul Gilbert reminds us, “Compassion without wisdom may be misguided, and courage without wisdom can become reckless.” Wisdom helps us act with clarity and integrity.
5. Assertiveness – Yang
Compassion is not passive. Assertiveness is its fierce expression—the willingness to set boundaries, speak truth, and honour our own needs without aggression. Assertive compassion says, “I matter too. I am worthy of care.” It protects what is sacred within us.
6. Tolerance – Yin
Tolerance is the spaciousness to hold discomfort, difference and uncertainty without immediate judgment or rejection. It is more than endurance—it is an active willingness to stay open-hearted, allowing growth and greater understanding to emerge.
7. Action – Yang
Compassion calls us not only to feel but to respond. Action is compassion in motion—a step, however small, towards easing suffering. Yet compassionate action is thoughtful, guided by kindness and wisdom rather than urgency or guilt.
8. Forgiveness – Yin
Forgiveness softens the grip of resentment and self-criticism. It does not deny harm but creates space for healing. Through forgiveness, we release the armour of blame and open the door to freedom, both for ourselves and others.
9. Love – Yin & Yang
Love lives at the centre of compassion. It is both gentle and strong, tender and courageous. To love compassionately is to recognise the worth and dignity of all beings, including ourselves. Love invites us to hold suffering not with pity, but with reverence and care.
10. Gratitude – Yin
Gratitude is the art of noticing. Even amidst pain, it invites us to acknowledge what is still nourishing, beautiful, or steady. Gratitude rewires us towards balance, reminding us that alongside struggle, there is still grace.
Become a Teacher of Compassion Focused Wellbeing
For mindfulness teachers looking to integrate compassion more formally into their work, the Compassion Focused Wellbeing (CFW) teacher training programme is an excellent next step.
Created by Nick Cooke and Madeleine Agnew, this UK-based accredited course combines the latest insights from Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT), Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC), and the Mindfulness Now programme (which blends MBSR and MBCT). It’s trauma-informed, research-based, and incredibly practical.
Graduates become part of a growing community of licensed and accredited CFW teachers, equipped to deliver compassion-focused courses, retreats, and one-to-one sessions.
Living the Attitudes
These attitudes are not fixed traits but living practices—qualities that grow with time, intention and self-reflection. Some days, compassion asks us to soften. Other days, it asks us to rise. To walk the compassionate path is to continually dance between Yin and Yang—between gentle acceptance and empowered action.
Ready to Learn More?
Explore the Compassion Focused Wellbeing Teacher Training with the UK College of Mindfulness Meditation and take your mindfulness teaching to the next level.
Useful Links & References
CFW Compassion Focused Wellbeing https://mindfulnessnow.org.uk/compassion-focused-wellbeing/
Paul Gilbert – The Compassionate Mind
Dr. Kristin Neff – Fierce Self-Compassion
www.centerformsc.org (Mindful Self-Compassion resources)
TED Talk: The Power of Vulnerability – Brené Brown
Neff, K. (2003). Self-Compassion: An Alternative Conceptualization of a Healthy Attitude Toward One